I wrote this holiday poem back in 2002 when I was going through my Sgt. Frog (Keroro Gunsou) kick at TOKYOPOP. Originally I was planning to create Sgt. Keroro’s personal blog, as seen in volume 1, complete with a regularly updated poetry section. Adam Arnold, who was an old friend from animefringe (now at Seven Seas), was going to build the site and we’d maintain it with regular updates written by the sarge himself. Sadly, Kadokawa wasn’t able to appreciate the genius of this idea. In fact, my rampant Sgt. Frog enthusiasm got me in hot water with Kadokawa after I created an ad by cutting and pasting panels from volume 1 to create a mini-manga promoting the series. Apparently cutting up the panels and writing new dialog, even for an ad, is a BIG no-no. (I really should have known better, but my enthusiasm for this series was unstoppable). There were 3 versions of the ads that made it to press in late 2002 before the ad was quickly pulled, destroyed and never emulated again.

Anyway, here’s the first of two “classic” Sgt. Frog Holiday Poems!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and up in my room
The Keroro battalion was plotting your doom.”These humans,” I said, “are distracted by mirth.
While they’re busy with presents we’ll conquer the Earth!”

As we thought of our victory, we cackled with glee,
And sipped at our tumblers of hot oolong tea.

“But what is this Christmas?” I thought to myself.
“There must be more to it than Will Farrell’s Elf.”

Tamama with his notebook and I with my Mac,
Proceeded to research before the attack.

After checking my mail and updating my blog
I proceeded to Yahoo (preferred search tool of frogs).

I typed the word “Christmas” on translucent keys.
And what should I find but one million entries!

I narrowed my searching with newfound conviction,
perusing the results of “Donner” and “Blitzen.”

I read about Santa and fruitcake and stockings,
And how Pokopenians subject trees to flocking.

We came to this planet to bring widespread dread,
But as I fell asleep, I dreamt kindness instead.

My research completed, I held a new meeting,
But a definite gloom hovered o’er the proceedings.

“If we conquer the Earth, Santa Claus will be miffed!”
Said Private Tamama, “He won’t bring us gifts!”

And Corporal Giroro had concerns of his own.
“Christmas time is for lovers; maybe we should postpone.”

“That’s right!” I proclaimed. “We don’t have to act now!
“Let these fools have their Christmas, the last joy we’ll allow!”

“Besides,” I admonished. “Pokopen is united.
“To attack at this time would be very short-sighted.”

So your planet was spared…if just for one day.
But maybe…just maybe…I prefer it that way.

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