Gobblin.net

For those of you who enjoyed the first Sgt. Frog holiday poem, here’s the followup that I wrote in 2005 when Fox News was starting its big “War on Christmas” campaign. I prefer the first poem as the verse is tighter, there are less series in-jokes and the themes more traditional and less topical. Still, there’s a few lines here I’m proud of.

Right now I’m in the midst of moving, so life is pretty chaotic, but when I settle down I’ll post my first update on Return to Labyrinth 3 (and maybe put up a first image.

Poem after the jump!

Twas the night before Christmas on Pokopen once more.
(You can tell by the presence of wreaths on the door.)
Concealed in my room I was wrapping up presents
Like a benevolent lord who rewards all his peasants.This season I want to do right by my squad–
Kululu of course gets a video Ipod.
For Dororo I purchased a Virtual Boy,
A vintage Earth game he is sure to enjoy.

For Giroro a bushel of hot Imo-yaki
And to wash them all down a nice bottle of sake.
Tamama, my private, has the best gift of all—
A Perfect Grade, 1:60 scale RB-79 Ball!

No sooner had I finished than who should appear
But my formidable father to fill me with fear.
“Keroro, you fool, you were sent here to battle!
I’ll have no more excuses. Enough with your prattle!”

Why was he here, and on Christmas, no less!?
He expects devastation, not gift-giving excess.
Admitting to failure seemed my only choice,
But just then from the TV came a familiar voice.

“There’s a war out on Christmas, of this I am sure!
Its biblical roots they would try to obscure!
Polluting our language with ‘Holiday Trees’
And removing Jesus from our Nativities!”

Of course! I’d been listening to my mentor O’Reilly
Whose psy-op techniques were the apex of wily.
“Is this your work?” dad asked with a hint of suspicion
“But of course! It’s all part of my conqueror’s mission!”

“What do you take me for, father, an ensign?
This war is relentless, just ask John Gibson!”
Sweat dripped from my brow and I desperately fanned it.
But my cunning bluff worked! Dad went back to our planet.

The next morning I donned my best Santa Claus suit
And prepared to deliver the holiday loot.
But as I filled up my sack a new plan did unfold.
It’s the thought that counts, at least that’s what I’m told.

When I slipped down the chimney my sack felt quite light;
Still, I knew in my heart that my actions were right.
To my waiting platoon I had this to say:
“Imo-yaki to all, and to all a merry day!”