Gobblin.net

So lately I’ve been spending far too much time in the Buffyverse, catching up with Slaying goodness that I should have watched many years ago. In the spirit of Joss Whedon and Brian K. Vaughn, here’s a script for a little “what if…?” guest starring everyone’s favorite sexy scoundrel. File under fan fic (Jareth and Oberon are definitely in different universes) but hopefully it will keep you amused while you’re waiting for the next volume of Return to Labyrinth.

Part One of the script after the jump!

Pg. 1

Establishing shot of a forest. It’s night and nothing is stirring.

In the next panel we see the silhouette of PUCK (a humanoid goblin), all black but for his glowing white eyes. It’s too dark to see what exactly it is.

SFX
RAHR!

The next panel shows motion lines zipping into the brush of a forest.

SFX
VOOSH

SFX
RUSTLE RUSTLE

A side shot of AMBER, 16-year-old girl, short blond hair, jeans and fingerless knit gloves. She looks like a bit of a tomboy. Her face shows steely resolve. In her ear is a wireless cell phone receiver. She’s running after something.

AMBER
Heads up, guys. Unidentified G.O.B. * headed your way. It’s a runner.

ROB (Via Phone)
Gotcha. The twins’ll slow it down.

CAPTION BOX (bottom of panel)
*G.O.B.: Genuine Occult Being

Pg. 2

Close up shot of ROB talking into a cell phone. He’s 16, wearing a hoodie, pony tail underneath. We probably can’t see it in this shot, but he’s got a bamboo practice sword strapped to his back.

ROB
Chai, Mei Lin – you two got that holding spell ready?

Close up shot of identical twins CHAI and MEI. Chai’s a little punk with streaks in her hair and a dragon tattoo on her shoulder. Mei, by contrast, is dressed demurely. The two girls nod in unison.

SFX
NOD NOD

A wider shot of the team in a forest clearing. Rob, seen from behind, is now holding his bamboo sword. The twins are holding hands and have their eyes closed. On the ground in the center of the clearing is a glowing circle of runes. The clearing is surrounded by dense brush. The bushes in the center of the panel are rustling.

ROB
Incoming!

SFX
Rustle rustle

PUCK, a humanoid goblin, naked except for a loincloth, with knobby little horns on his head and, stands in the center of the twins spell circle, silhouetted by blinding light and wrapped in lightning that shoots up from the ground.

PUCK (SFX)
AAAGH!

SFX
BZZT BZZT

Pg. 3

Shot of Chai and Mei Lin high fiving.

CHAI & MEI LIN
Yes!

Front shot of Amber as she bursts through the brush into the clearing.

AMBER
Did we get it?!

Rob’s standing beside the dazed Puck. He’s holding the bamboo sword up over his shoulder like a cocky samurai.

ROB
Tazed and dazed.
And you’ll never guess who’s back.

Amber crouches down to look at puck eye-to-eye.

AMBER
Well, if it isn’t our old friend Puck. Couldn’t stay on your side of the pond, eh?

ROB (Off Screen)
What do you expect, Ambs? He’s a G.O.B.. I’ll handle this.

Rob points his bamboo sword at Puck menacingly. Puck cowers.

ROB
What’s Oberon up to this time, knobby?!

ROB
He better not be trying to reopen the Astrophal Gate. I mean, we just got done scattering the Twilight Menhir!

SFX (Rob’s stare)
GLARE

Pg. 4

Mei Lin rolls her eyes with contempt. Chai is likewise unimpressed. Chai’s dragon tattoo, MACHA, is peeling off her shoulder – it’s like a 2-dimensional living thing.

MEI
Hello? The gate can only open on the solstice?

CHAI
Duh.

MACHA
Po!

Puck responds to the accusations, gesturing with his head and keeping his head low.

PUCK
Most wise and generous G.O.B. Hunters, I came to find you!

ROB (off screen)
That’s G.O.B. Stoppers!

Rob and Chai tap fists with a serious look on their faces. Mei Lin rolls her eyes with disdain.

CHAI & ROB
Everlasting!

MEI LIN (SFX)
GROAN

MEI LIN (Aside)
[anger mark] I told you, the day we start calling ourselves that is the day I quit. [anger mark]

Amber, frustrated, interrupts the others.

AMBER
Shh! Some of us actually care what the G.O.B. has to say.

PUCK (off screen)
It’s about the Goblin King…

Pg. 5

A strip four small zig-zagging panels showing the four human characters eyes, all wide open, surrounded by motion lines.

Close up of Puck talking.

PUCK
He’s here!

Pg. 6

The next page is a cover for a super-hero style comic featuring the Amber, Rob, Chai and Mei-Lin, backs to each other and ready for action, like an X-men cover. In the foreground is a black silhouette of a menacing robed figure wearing a pointy crown, his arms up in a over-the-top villainous pose.

The G.O.B. SQUAD
Issue 13
The Goblin King’s Revenge!

Pg. 7

This is a splash page showing the WORKSHOP where our team is based. The room is actually the art studio at the High School where Toby Williams used to go to school.

Amber stands at the head of the table, hands on her hips. Rob and Mei are pouring through old leather-bound occult books filled with runes and illustrations of creatures. Chai has is leaning back in her chair and has her feet kicked up on the table. Her dragon tattoo is floating next to her, wings outstretched, but its tail is still wrapped around Chai’s arm. Sitting at an easel with a paintbrush in his hand is MR. FROUD, the advisor.

CAPTION
Back in the Workshop…

ROB
So we’ve been hunting G.O.B.’s for what, three years now? How come we haven’t heard of this “Jareth” guy before?

Insert in the bottom right. A close up of Mr. Froud, who keeps painting while he speaks. On the easel is a painting of a goblin.

FROUD
I had hoped you wouldn’t have to. He’s a powerful adversary. Even among Faerie kind, his name is mentioned only in whispers.

CAPTION
Name: Mr. Froud
Occupation: High School Art Instructor and G.O.B. Expert

Pg. 8

Close up of Amber responding.

AMBER
They’re certainly not sticking to whispers now. First the garden Faeries, now this. I’ve never seen Puck so terrified.

AMBER (aside)
Even when Mab put that death curse on him.

CAPTION
Name: Amber Carolinus
Rank: Unofficial G.O.B. Squad leader

Rob looks up from his book to respond.

ROB
Before we get our collective panties in a bunch – no offense to my fellow briefs wearer, Mr. Froud – we are talking about the EX-Goblin King, right? As in yesterday’s news?

CAPTION
Name: Rob Dalben
Skill: 6 Dan in Kendo

Close up of Mei Lin as she chips in with her response.

MEI
That’s not necessarily true. Even if he’s lost his powers, he could still be dangerous. Perhaps even more so. Those who have tasted power are never quick to give it up.

CAPTION
Name: Mei Lin
GPA: 4.8 (adjusted)

Close up Chai and her Tattoo Dragon.

CHAI
So what’s Jareth want with our town anyway?

CAPTION
Name: Chai Lin
Plays: Bass

MACHA
Po!

CAPTION
Name: Macha
Species: Balinese Ink Dragon

FROUD (Off Screen)
Not what, but who.

Pg. 9

Mr. Froud speaks to the assembled group.

FROUD
If the Ngorongo Transcripts are to be believed, throughout human history the Goblin King has stolen children and taken them to his domain.

MEI
Like an Elfin Child?

FROUD
No, in the case of an Elfin child, the human is abducted with the intent of replacing it with a G.O.B. changeling, but the Goblin King does not replace the children he has stolen.

MEI
So what does Jareth want with the babies?

FROUD
Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe he requires them for some sort of sacrifice. Or perhaps he drinks their life essence to stay young.

CHAI
Ew!

FROUD
If Jareth no longer has the power to spirit others to his domain…

Close up of Rob as he has a theory.

ROB
Then perhaps he came here to feed!

Amber looks calm and cool as she responds.

AMBER
Let’s pull together. What do we know about this guy, really? Mr. Froud, you’re the art expert. Got any pics of this creep to go on?

FROUD
I’m afraid not. Either his grotesque form is so hideous that his victims struck it from their memories, or simply no one lived to tell about his appearance.

Pg. 10

A shot of Mr. Froud, Rob, Chai and Mei looking towards the “camera” as Amber gives orders from off screen.

AMBER
Rob, you scope out the hospital delivery wing. That place is like a all-you-can-eat buffet for this G.O.B. .

ROB
Right. If I see anyone with a hungry look in their eye, I’ll bring out the sharp stick.

AMBER
Mei Lin, help Mr. Froud go through the Ngorongo Transcripts. There’s got to be a clue in there somewhere.

MEI LIN
Got it.

AMBER
Chai, you head to the Ouroboros Club. Maybe our friends in the Cadmus syndicate know where this Jareth is shacking up.

CHAI
Fine, but unless, like, the survival of mankind is at stake, I’ve got band practice at 8:00.

Amber panics as she looks at her watch.

AMBER
Practice…
Oh crap! I’m late for Drama class! Tryouts are today!

A wider shot of Amber from behind and she runs out the door. We see the backs of the heads of the G.O.B. Squad members.

AMBER
Sorry! Gotta Run!

SFX
TMP TMP TMP

Pg. 11

INT. DRAMA CLASS – Continuous

Amber stumbles in through the classroom door to a packed class. All eyes turn her. This is a drama class, so the students are sitting on the bleacher seats and the teacher is on the stage. The teacher is reading from a clipboard that blocks his face. A banner hangs above the stage.

BANNER
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Tryouts Today

Close up of the professor as he looks up from the clipboard — it’s Jareth wearing a suit and his glasses looking quite sexy.

JARETH
You must be…Miss Carolinus. So good of you to join us.

Close up of Amber, her eyes wide and mouth open with shock.

AMBER (Internal)
Oh my god…

Close up of Amber only now she’s dropped into a sparkly eyed, blushing and smiling caricature.

AMBER (thought balloon – cute, girly font)
So hot!!!

SFX
BLUSH

Jareth looks towards the door, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

Jareth Looks at his watch impatiently.

Pg. 12

A shot of Jareth in total “shojo manga” mode, surrounded by screen tone, flowers and sparkles with a smokey look in his eyes and a rose in his hands. This image would ideally not be bound inside of a panel.

AMBER (Internal)
I thought that I knew what it is to see…
…but now that you have graced me with your light…
…were you to leave me, I would know naught but darkness.

A shot of Jareth in a tuxedo and Amber in a fancy princess dress (like something out of a Disney fairy tale), clasping hands and staring into each others’ eyes. Amber has large glittery eyes like a shojo manga character.

AMBER (Internal)
You are everything that has been missing in my life.
My light…
My love…
My…

A lone word balloon in the lower right of this page interrupts the fantasy vision.

MEI LIN (Off screen)
Jareth.

Pg. 13

Front shot of Meil Lin and Amber walking down the hallway of a high school, lockers to their sides and other anonymous students around them. Mei Lin is very serious while Amber is still sparkly/shojo eyed.

AMBER
Who?

MEI LIN
You know, the monster we’re supposed to be looking for?

A wider shot shows Jareth, in the distance, opening a door. We can see Amber and Mei Lin from behind so it’s clear that Amber can see Jareth. Jareth has lines emanating from him.

Small insert making it clear it’s Jareth we’re looking at.

Close up of Amber responding. She’s back to normal.

AMBER
Yeah, yeah. You get right on that.
There’s someplace I’ve got to be right now.

MEI LIN (Off screen)
But–!

Amber runs off towards the door Jareth went into. Mei Lin shakes her head with dismay.

MEI LIN
…Nevermind.

SFX
Shake Shake

TO BE CONTINUED…