My obsession with Star Wars action figures probably began on Christmas 1981, or at least that holiday yielded the first photographic evidence. Looking at 4 ½ year old me, sitting by the tree with my AT-ST walker and Hoth playset, cherubic cheeks aglow, it seemed like such an innocent hobby, and for the next 5 years or so, it would be. It wasn’t until some years later, when I found myself flush with cash from part time bookselling, that the playthings of my youth transformed from toys to commodities.
Stage 1: Take Stock of Current Holdings
Like any sensible kid, when I received an action figure in my youth, I’d rip open the packaging and toss it, take the figure down to the creek on a makeshift zipline, sink it in some “quicksand” mud, and lose any weapons or accessories in the process. In spite of this, I still had some 40 or so action figures (with about 10 blasters between them), but with all the dings and wobbly limbs, these weren’t exactly museum quality. My vehicles looked worse than Luke’s X-Wing when he lifted it out of the swamp. Still, these toys were pushing 15 years old! Surely they were still valuable? After ordering Steve Sansweet’s collector’s guide (2nd edition!) I ran the numbers. Sentimental value: priceless. Collector Value: around $200.
Stage 2: Make a Fresh Start
$6 an hour, 15 hours a week–no rent, no car, no interest in clothes (and no sense to save for college)–I was rich! If I was going to be serious about Star Wars collecting, then nickel and diming it with those sad little played-with pieces was going to have to go. It was time to start tracking down the “MOCs” and “MIBs,” unopened toys kept away from kids by savvy collectors or retailer screw-ups. That’s where the REAL money is. Empowered by my 14.4 modem and an AOL account, I soon found sellers willing to part with vintage “12 Backs” and Sears exclusives. I learned about the bargains to be had with tri-language packaging, and the importance of checking the material of your Jawa’s cape. For my first purchase, I ordered a MOC Yoda with the original Empire Strikes Back packaging – and for the modest cost of a month’s work. It wouldn’t be long until I had amassed a collection any future child of mine would be proud to inherit.
Stage 3: Reality Sinks In
After about a year of collecting, I had managed to track down a 12-Back Princess Leia (pristine card, but a slight crack in the blister, alas), a Power of the Force Obi Wan, a MIB Max Rebo Band set (something I coveted but never got in my youth) and a mail-away Anakin figure still in baggie. A fine start, but it was growing too slowly to sustain my compulsive collecting bug. Around this time, I started second guessing the soundness of Star Wars toys as an investment. There were just too many variables…
Stage 4: A New Hope
Then it hit me. Rather than try to collect one of each of the hundreds of Star Wars toys out there, what if I instead focused on collecting a single one. I’d have to pick something with low demand so I could get a lot of them for cheap, then keep buying them and taking them off the market. Eventually, people would catch on to the sudden scarcity of this figure, and I’d be sitting on a goldmine! It was a brilliant plan, totally without flaws. First I had to pick a figure to take the starring role in my market fixing adventure. It was an easy choice—I went with the Wampa. You remember, that yeti thing that tries to munch on Luke in the beginning of Empire? Now it was time to corner the market on the things. Mint-in-Box, loose, C7-C10 – I wanted them all. Hitting the usual channels, I managed to get two with packaging (one opened, one not) and a couple more loose. Nothing could stop me now!
Stage 5: Denial
I don’t know if it was common sense of the limitations of a pre-ebay internet that cut my endeavor short. For whatever reason, I never went beyond those first four Wampas. Scanning ebay now, I see that my efforts did little to skew the market value of the snow beasts, as a dozen auctions list the figure loose for 99 cents (ouch! I was paying $20, 13 years ago). The fateful four are currently living under my grandma’s house, where the carefully preserved packages have probably turned soggy with mildew, which when you think about it, does more to increase their rarity than my hoarding them in a safe, dry closet ever would have done.
I went through several more collecting obsessions, including signed first editions of Hugo/Nebula winning sci-fi and Batman animation cels before I managed to cast off the bug, but that is another story and will be told at another time.
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You’re only three years older than me? I feel so under-accomplished…
I collect dust. You should see my room. I have an entire zoo of dust bunnies and several specimen of the elusive dust rhino. Unfortunately, every so often something comes through and steals them, leaving only a lemony-fresh scent in their wake.
i believe that would be…
i don’t know- your mom and Windex?
i <3 star wars. and Labyrinth, duh….
you know there’s a Labyrinth marvel comic…?
yea, i’m that nuts.
Personally, I love the original trilogy, but did anyone else out there experience nausea at episodes I-III (the new ones)? The Force was not strong with them in my opinion.
Yeah, I have to keep telling myself its not a worthwhile investment to buy the Labyrinth comics whenever they show up on Ebay….
Ebay’s actually a great spot for feeding Labyrinth obsessions. I’m lying in wait for a certain tee shirt right now…
There is some very cool Labyrinth merchandise out there, not just old comics but toys, games, books and even T-shirts. So if Jake should need a new hobby. . .
Wow! What coincidence! Now, here in Madrid there is an exhibition about Star Wars action figures. I visited it and it was amazing.
I love the original trilogy too but I don’t have too much money and space to collect more action figures. Now, I collect action figures of Lost (the TV show) and I would like to buy a Labyrinth action figure.
They have action figures of Jareth and Hoggle, but not anyone else–much to my disappointment. I would love to have a big plush Ludo or Didymus.
This is why I’m glad I never got into Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, etc…because I’d go broke buying action figures!
So far my collection is limited to Labyrinth, Hellboy, Nightmare Before Christmas, Predator, ReBoot, and Final Fantasy.
And I always take my action figures out of their packaging. I don’t care if if cuts the value in half, what’s the point in buying them if you aren’t able to enjoy them! Besides I rather like the scent of new figures….Mmmmm plastic…
I never had any action figures as a kid… It probably means I was deprived, but my friends had over a hundred–no joke, one rainy day we counted them–and we would have duels to the death. Princess Leia died a lot.
Kristi O., you just sounded like Hoggle. I always had this theory that plastic was a really rare commodity in the Labyrinth and that’s why Sarah’s bracelet was bribe material.
It’s probably a good thing I never had any money as a child, and therefore had no money to buy action figures or other memorabilia from my various obsessions. Because when I get obsessed, I get OBSESSED to the point that it’s actually a little frightening. The last thing I needed was collectables to add fuel to that fire.
i have TONS of old star wars stuff. i gave it to my little brother, hunter, but he ruined it, so stole it all back and now it’s in my closet back at home. i wonder if he’s found it yet…wow, that was years ago, but till, i hope not.
*still- i had a typo.
I actually liked The third Star wars movie (the most recent one other than that animated garbage). I found it quite entertaining, especially the fight between Obie One(forgive any spelling errors) and Anakin at the volcano.
I also liked Revenge of the Sith. The other two sucked, but that one wasn’t too bad. Certainly not better than the original trilogy, though. George Lucas needs to retire now. I think he might be going a little senile.
A little? Sorry, but I was ecstatically happy when Padme died. And I find it very hard to believe that a space-age world where they have developed scanners to tell you your mid-colorian count (did I spell that right?) would not have ultra-sound. Twins should not have been a surprise. Sorry, just can not think of good explanation on how that would work. And my other complaint is she wasn’t fat enough to be that close to having one baby, much less two.
Okay, I’m going to shut up now and hid so I don’t get lynched.
I mean “hide”. Let me correct myself like a total idiot to give the angry mobs time.
Oh, Gobblinize me, we’d never lynch you. And besides, we can see you back there…
Though I did enjoy the movie to a point, yeah, those little details bothered me. Something else bothered me that I didn’t even think of until a few weeks ago when I was watching Return of the Jedi. Before the final battle on the Death Star, Luke asks Leia if she remembers her mother, and she says she does. But if Padme died giving birth to them, how the flip does Leia remember her? Sometimes I wonder if Lucas watched his own movies before crapping out another trilogy.
Another thing I didn’t like was that Anakin was from Tatoowin (sp?) I don’t know why, but that bugged me.
I wanna know which asshat greenlighted that awful looking animated movie?
Uh-huh, exactly why I pretend they don’t exist 90% of the time.
Are you talking about the Clone Wars? Hmmm, gee, I think it would be Lucas. I’m really *bleep* at him because he turned this great story with funny, original characters into a product. Grrrrr… Does he even read the “official fiction”? Chewbacca DIES and personally I don’t give a crud about Han Solo’s midlife crisis. It makes me ill that he has let the integrity of great trilogy be spoiled.
My friends were talking about mobbing Lucas over his latest monstrosity (the animated Clone Wars movie). I couldn’t help be amused because I think he deserved it as soon as the wrote the pod races. He so totally stole that scene from Ben Hur….
I’ve always wanted to read the books, but do they really suck that bad? Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t waste my time.
I’m all for mobbing Lucas, although since he didn’t actually MAKE the animated movie (but must have greenlighted it) I think we should mob him over his newest film series, staring that Mutt kid from Indiana Jones. I like Shia LeBeouf all right, but making a new series about a sub-par character will ruin Indiana Jones even worse than Young Indiana Jones did.
My question is why does Lucas have to ruin his former fantasticness with this new crap? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Wait, if I’m in that mentality, does that make me a hypocrite that I enjoy RtL so much?
no, cause if you look at some of jake’s earlier posts, it says that Lucas is thinking over a NEW ANIMATED LABYRINTH. shoot me now.
Whoa there, J — I never said anything of the sort about Lucas making a new Laby. There was an April Fools joke about Lucas being involved with a “special edition,” but that’s 100% malarkey.
For a new star wars experience that captures much of the spirit of the films of yore, I recommend The Force Unleashed (on PS3 or Xbox360). It’s got its flaws, but as storytelling, it’s the best stars wars experience I’ve had since Tie Fighter back when I had Wampa fever.
okay. good. cause that freaked me out. must not have read the joke part.
my brother was telling me about that. i didn’t bother with it.
See, this is why I’m never going to watch Star Wars…I’m pretty sure I’d be infuriated over the direction the series took when Lucas realised that beating a dead horse was easier than coming up with a new idea.
And I have to say I’m a little curious about the condition of those four Wampa’s…are they literally “living” under your Grandma’s house? If so then I say dig them up and post about them, it be amusing to see what type of condition they’re in now.
And no offense J, but it’s sort of funny how people are still falling for Jake’s April fools joke. Once you post something to the internet you can never take it back. I bet in two years people will still be finding that post and having an “OMG” moment.
Okay, I just found this and I have to share, sorry if it’s been shown before, but I just found a rather amusing Labyrinth parody:
http://www.adultswim.com/ivc/fatguy/ep09/
I’ve never heard of the series before, but they do a pretty good job of poking fun at Labyrinth! (Note, there is some language, so if you’re sensitive be warned)
You know what would really blow was if Lucas actually saw that at sme point, and it gave him…
…ideas…(twitch)
*some*
My key board is being sucky.
*whimper* Ginger, you should write horror stories. That is the scariest thing I’ve heard in months.
Jake, this is the greatest story ever! I especially enjoyed your “sound” market principal of buying up ALL of the Wampas and then selling them back to the public at a profit. Stupid eBay ruined it all for you!
As always, great writing, very witty, especially for this fellow nerd.
EFA
eBay ruins all. except my chance to get the Labyrinth comic
hello???????????????????????
no one has answered other than me in days. and that was in OCTOBER, people. Jake, blog again, please.
we need a new topic. soon.
Sorry J.
Ebay has stymied my asperations many times. Especially my attempt to get a Labyrinth comic…
Stupid people out bidding me. T-T
my father got it for on my birthday. he’s an E-Bay wizard. it’s on amazon, though, Ginger
come to the venting thread, where we now talk about whatever random topics are on our minds! it’s fun!
Jake, please post again. I’m having loads of fun, but I have even more fun when you give us new food for thought. :’( Pwease?
“Ebay has stymied my asperations many times. Especially my attempt to get a Labyrinth comic…”
Then click on the link and go, go, go, go, girl! The auction ends on November 11th at 1 o’clock! Grab it before someone else does.
http://cgi.ebay.com/1986-Jim-Henson-David-Bowie-LABYRINTH-comic-book-1_W0QQitemZ270297731396QQihZ017QQcategoryZ53256QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
Note that it is only the first one, but for ten bucks that’s not a bad bargain.
i’ve only got the first one and that goes up to the riddle, which isn’t bad.
Oooooh, which riddle? You mean the doors? “And you must know that one of us always tells the truth and the other one always lies. That’s a rule too. He always lies.”
Personally that scene in Labyrinth really annoys me. The reason being? They agree on everything up to that point and then turn around and say, “One of us lies, the other tells the truth. Always.”
So, assuming that one of them can’t lie, the rules are legitimate. But since the “liar” agrees with the “honest one”, that means it’s a lie. But since it was a lie because the liar agrees with the honest one… Can you see where I’m going here?
My solution? Both of them have the free-will to lie and tell the truth as they desire and they told Sarah that baloney about “the rules” because they were supposed to stall her. And guess what? It worked.
um… me and my cousin have a theory about that. they can’t lie about the rules- they’re off limits. Sarah did solve the riddle correctly, she just insulted Jareth as she walks through so he opens an oubliette under her. (Either that, or he’s a sore loser) we have proof, because she does the same thing in the “nothing? nothing? nothing, tra-la-la?” scene. in both she says “This/It’s -(respectively)- a piece of cake!”, which he doesn’t like, because he and his labyrinth are all so “high-and-mighty, ha-ha-ha-you-puny-mortals-are-no-match-for-it/me”, and terrifying and whatever.
and that’s our theory.