Twenty-nine entered, but only three will win free copies of Return to Labyrinth volume 3! It was a lot of fun reading through the entries, but picking just three was pretty nerve-wracking. In the end, I just had to go with the three that made me smile tonight (with a little help from the fiancee for tie-breaking). So without further ado…

The winners are:

SKUB is revealed to be the true heir to the labyrinth, he is Jareths long lost brother, and in actually fact the one Sarah falls in love with..ya know what they say Once you go Goblin you never go back! XD Good luck competing with that Jareth ^.^ – Kerri

I must have missed the scene where Sarah actually met Skub in the movie… Oh wait! It must be in one of those “flashbacks” in volume 3. That lazy author sure likes his flashbacks! Anyway… go Skub!

When Jareth and Sarah first talk they get into it and he french kisses her but…. he gives her herpes causing a massive diplomatic incident. She sues him for a huge sum of money and has Marcia Clark represent her. She becomes independently wealthy. She keeps wearing the ugly glasses. – Clare

This one wins the slightly-uncomfortable laughter award. Herpes is always funny, because the truth is girls, most of us get it.

Mizumi is actually an avatar for Moppet, who is really Sarah’s actress mother! She was so mad that Jareth left her for her daughter, that she found a spell that turned herself younger and plotted revenge against Jareth and Sarah for thirteen years.- Ashley

This is one of the rare non-joke entires, but I really like the dramatic possibilities here. This is a spoiler I could get behind!

And now, the runners up, in no particular order. And as a consolation prize, everybody gets FREE SASS!

The “Ello” worm and his mafia march in protest to the castle beyond the goblin city. Ever since Sarah’s first foray into the Labyrinth, they are considered to be notoriously abysmal with directions (“Don’t go that way!”) and they detest that stereotype. Naturally, pandemonium ensues, culminating in a Bollywood dance. -Gabrielle

Pandemonium! It’s one of my sixteen favorite words. And bonus points for bringing back the worm. A near miss from top three.

Jareth reveals to Sarah on her doorstep that the Labyrinth lies in a different space time continuum and that he is really Toby from the far future. After ensuring ‘Toby’, his past self, continues the fated cycle, he was free to return home.-Alyssa

As a boy, I’m a sucker for anything involving space-time continuums, so this one almost made the top three. I could almost see this spoiler being real!

Jakes Forbes is Jareth! Chris Lie is actually Hoggle, who is forced to illustrate Jareth’s story, or else be thrown into the bog. Toby is actually the son of Sarah and Jareth, but Sarah and Toby’s memories had been erased by Mizumi, and Jareth’s trying to get them both back! – Sierra

Flattery will get you far, Sierra, but this time, it’s just a runner up slot, I’m afraid.

Jareth loses his job at Taco Bell by “Glittering” all over the food. He lands in an asylum but is rescued by Sarah and Ludo. He realizes his true feelings for Ludo, the two of them settle down and through the magic of plot holes raise many hairy children. – Erica S.

Wait, is Ludo is a girl? Talk about spoilers! It was between this and the Herpes one for the out-there vote, but in the end, I guess Herpes > Taco Bell.

Jareth is a Martian named Ziggy. Sarah is really a strange purple furred werewolf. She was bitten months ago and has been subduing her wolfish instincts with Wolfsbane tea (now missing from her cupboard). Ziggy takes the purple werewolf back with him to Mars. They live happily ever after. Zorgophalts! – JTheGoblinKing

Ground control to J! Wouldn’t the spiders eat the werewolf once they got to Mars? Major logic hole.

Sarah is actually a duplicate of Moppet created by Mizumi as part of her plan to take over Jareth’s kingdom. It turns out that Jareth had abandoned Mizumi for Moppet. When she found out she erased Moppet’s memory, banished her to the rubbish heaps, and created Sarah. – Heather A.

My head’s still spinning a little bit, but this almost sounds like it could be real!

“Toby still wears diapers.” – Kristi O.

This one almost won the brevity award, but we know it simply can’t be true as there’s no way Toby could wear diapers under a pair of Jareth’s hand-me-down pants.

“Sarah, Moulin, and Drumlin were, once, the beautiful triplet fate sisters. They were tricked and cursed by Jareth long ago, when he tried tampering with their tapestries. Escaping with collateral to protect her, Sarah stole Jareth’s son and brought him into the mortal world. Toby is Jareth’s hidden son, renamed.”- Aiijuin

Thanks, Aiijuin, for classing up this joint with some mythology. I like it!

Toby is actually a goblin because Jareth didn’t return him, but instead gave Sarah Skub in Toby’s body and placed Toby in Skub! – Lisa S.

I like this one as it seems like something that actually could happen. In fact, maybe this spoiler isn’t such a joke after all… dun dun DUN!!! But it is.

Jareth runs into his doppelganger, David Bowie. They have a modeling/ sexiness contest (such as in Zoolander), but Hoggle appears to win it all (what an under-goblin story)! A one-eyed midget reporter witnesses the event, and goes on to report the Underground to the stunned citizens of the real-world. – Adella

I like where you’re going, Adella, but it’s not a spoiler unless you tell us who wins the contest!

Toby admits he loves Moppet only to discover that she was created by Mizumi as revenge on Jareth. Upset, he runs to Hana who morphs into that creepy guy from the Toby museum and it’s all revealed that he masterminded everything because he wanted to use Toby in his exhibit. – Shannon B.

A twist I didn’t see coming, but c’mon, “morphing” is so 1993.

I was shocked to find that Moppet is the daughter of Hoggle and Mizumi! Was Mizumi so depressed by Jareth’s rejection that she turned to the Prince of the Land of Stench ? As if her life was Spittledrum’s maid didn’t suck enough. Hoggle and Mizumi ? That’s just nasty.- Princess Hamster

Dear, Princess Hamster. There is still one more volume to go. You jest, but the Hoggle x Mizumi pairing could still be worked in!

It would be … That the 2 lizard like goblins at the end of Vol. 2 are King Jareths parents!!! *Dun dun dun dddduuuuunnnn!* – Becky L.

That would be quite a spoiler! Will we find out about Jareth’s origins in the next volume? I guess you’ll just have to wait to find out.

Jareth and Madonna have a secret (albeit famous) love child: Big Bird. He has his mother’s eyes and his father’s voi-I mean height. -Mollie

Another out-there award contentder. I hope that one day I might have a secret (albiet famous) baby. Clever girl!

None of this is really happening, it’s all just a dream from a goblin chicken. – Rachel

No, no, Rachel — that’s a spoiler for Volume FOUR! Save that entry for next time.

Irene’s his real mom and Jareth’s the father. – Elissa

By “his,” I assume you mean Jesus? You need to capitalize that pronoun!

Mizumi is Sarah’s mother! Jareth then started hitting on Sarah, causing Mizumi to get jealous. Moulin and Drumlin are Sarah’s half sisters, their father is Esker. Esker is Sarah’s step-father. Mizumi tried to get rid of Sarah, but instead, caused her to split in two. So she has to wear a mask because if Jareth saw her face, he would flip out. – Andi

Andi, you pretty much wrote my pitch for Return to Labyrinth the daytime soap!

Toby is the biological son of Jareth. – GoblinPrinceToby

Sorry, GPT, but I was watching Maury the other day and he begs to differ.

It is revealed, to everyone’s shock, that Hoggle is actually the Goblin King Jareth and “Jareth” is a little troll trying to look pretty to get a girl. – Kelly M.

But Jareth is a troll! Don’t tell me anyone actually finds him attractive?!

Toby’s Jareth’s son! Switched at birth for Sarah’s sister, Moppet after Moldywarts – Mizumi’s ex – murdered Higwig (an owl), real mother of Toby (“The Brat Who Lived). Toby melts Moldywarts with a bucket of water, but only after Mizumi traps Sarah on the Titanic (Jareth sings “My Hair Will Go On”). – K. Walch

See previous Maury comment. I would like to see the music video of this one, though.

The explanation of Moppet’s resemblance to Sarah was most astounding. Jareth developed an obsession with Sarah (and subsequently created Moppet) because she was a link to his true love: Sarah’s stepmother. We are left with the sense that Toby was taken to the underground only to lure Mrs. Williams. – Lyra R

Sarah’s stepmother did have fabulous hair…

Shockingly, Moppet is revealed as a re-incarnation of Sarah. Jareth, crushed by the discovery Sarah wears glasses, challenges Toby to a duel to determine who wins the more aesthetically-pleasing-Moppet’s hand. It’s a close thing, but Toby flees screaming after realizing he is effectively fighting to marry his sister. – Rachael

Are the glasses that bad? Don’t worry — there is plenty of non-glasses Sarah in vol. 3.

Alright Moppet is really Sarah’s and Jareth’s daughter how can this be? Well that bubble realm was more than a distraction and when Sarah popped out so did baby Moppet. This is why she looks like Sarah but with Blonde hair she got it from Jareth. – Samantha

Another spoiler that sorta makes sense! Wait a second… did you hack into my e-mail and read the script?

Jareth is in fact the half-brother of Spittledum, the original King, but somehow Jareth got to be king instead. Spittledum wants revenge by blackmailing Jareth with crotch pictures. Jareth makes Skub eat Poprocks and coke, which makes him explode, making room for the new Cook named ‘Sk’… and DUMBELDORE DIES! – Little Kaori

Crotchal blackmail and goblin half-brothers! But you know, Kaori, the whole pop rocks thing is just an urban legend… or is it?

The Wicked Witch of the East never died- she turned into water after being squished by the house and ran away from Oz to the Underground, and changed her name to Mizumi. She secretly is plotting revenge on Dorothy, because she stole her shoes, which cost her $300 at Macy’s. – Kendra

An Oz/Labyrinth crossover? I’d pay to see that!

Linda fell in love with Jareth; however, she cheated on him with Sarah’s father. The son they had together was wished away into Jareth’s custody. The babe was turned into a goblin. *HINT: It’s Ludo, Hoggle, or Sir Didymus!* Linda had also been pregnant with Jareth’s second child…a girl. – Jenny B.

If Hoggle is Sarah’s brother, and Moulin is Hoggle and Mizumi’s kid, then that means Toby is Moulin’s uncle?

Thanks so much for entering, everyone! I wish I could send copies to everyone. And please don’t mind my late-night sass.

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz