Goblinologists 3D: A 2D Experience

It’s time for a fresh batch of Goblinology results. In case you mentioned the previous installments, here is the initial challenge, here are the top-five and here is the first bunch of runners up. Once again, I’m tickled by the talent on display by these amateur goblinologists. Distilling a creature’s name and history from a single picture is no small task, but these entries have done just that, each with its own unique flair.

First up we have Imartha’s entry. Let her words serve as a warning to everyone: Pudding and Bingo DO NOT MIX! (Jello and Jenga, however, spells good times).

Name: Verde

Bio: He used to be one of the goblin royal guards, but one day he got up and left. If asked why, his simple answer is: “just cuz”. Nowadays he spends his time sleeping or harassing innocent bystanders, pretty much what he did back when he was still a guard. Remarkably though, he still thinks it’s better. “Why” do you ask? “Just cuz”. Verde is very foul in nature and has a profound fear of left socks. The eye patch covering his right eye is all due to a terrible mishap involving pudding and a game of bingo. He won’t waste his time harassing anyone if he’s tired, but if you happen to be ‘noble and true-lookin’ you might have a hard time, especially if you have a bird on your head. He hates those. A lot. He won’t offer any help unless you have something you cherish with you to give him, after which he’ll throw said object away. While you’re still looking. If you see him happy then that means he’s scheming to do something horrid. He loves the color pink.

If points were given for length of name, Ardell would have won hands down with this entry. I think I read one of this “Bud” fellow’s pamphlets. In case you’re wondering, eighteen of the “twenty reasons” in question involved pudding and Bingo. The other seven were illegible.

Name: Snoozlewart Rudemuster Flowin Boggs; The 968th “Prefers to be called ‘Bud’”

Occupation: Retired Athlete and presently “Goblin-of-Many-Activites.”

History: A rarity, Bud is a quiet and rather pleasant minded fellow, part pixie on his mother’s-third-cousin-twenty-nine-times –removed side. Has more than one brain cell to rub together and a pronounceable name. He makes his home in the Borderlands, downwind of the Land of Stench (where the Bog is located) and away from the notorious temperamental magical shifts of the The Labyrinth when a runner is present.

Bud was an All-Time Lunchball Champion renowned throughout the Labyrinth. Distinguished from his 2361 teammates by a digestive tract like an organic garbage disposal and tendency to chase down and eat the ball. While tasty, gave him gas so bad that games had to be called off for months at a time. Opting for a Military career as a Target Goblin in the Royal Army. Despite tradition had a habit of beating back sending back what was thrown at him, usually with disasterous results.

After a brief stint in the Palace, Bud became an unsung hero. He compiled the signs when their notoriously bipolar monarch was in a Bad Mood into a wildly successful pamphlet entitled: ‘Yer Probably Gonna Be Bogged: Twenty Signs That The King Ain’t Pleased With Yer.’ This pamphlet—stealthily distributed in the back rooms of The Feisty Chicken Tavern until it burnt to the ground during an illegal gnome wrestling tournament. Rather than being bogged, he fully retired from city life.

Despite popular rumor, Bud’s eye was lost at goblin knitting, which is his favorite hobby to relax. He’s the only goblin in the History of the Underground who has survived this activity. Bud’s closet companion is his “Five Time Chicken-Toss Champion”, EZmeralda. With whom he makes a nice little side business knitting “Fluffy Killing Sticks” (feather dusters to humans) from her glossy black feathers, also helps him stay in shape. As chasing her over hill and dale is great aerobics

Jake (no relation) paints a very bitter, but decidedly accurate, picture of our featured goblin.

Name: Grubby (grubboulla)

Bio: Lurks around the goblin castle, was once friends with Hoggle. But since the dwarf helped Sarah reach the end of the labyrinth, Grubby has no time for him anymore. He has been known to turn on his “friends” if he feels he is in danger in some way.

This entry came from someone named “Lia,” but it’s written in the first-person, so I assume that Squint was just using Lia’s email account. Sorry, Squint, but goblins can’t be goblinologists. That would be like Herpes being Herpetologists.

Hi my name is Squint and I am the royal cobbler charged with coming up with new and interesting shoes for his kingliness Jareth. I had the honor (bad luck) at least a hundred years ago of having the nicest pair of shoes in the kingdom in my shop window when his highness came by and since he loves his shoes he urged (demanded) I come to work for him as the palace cobbler. Since then my life has been interesting (hell) coming up with a new more and more interesting pair of shoes for his highness every couple of weeks. Luckily I don’t need much sleep (lots of coffee).

Debbie’s goblin sounds like the type of fellow you want in your corner –a beacon of talent in a sea of absurdity!

Name: Soignus Galin the Trail Blazer

Bio: He is the one you send out to find the way for everyone else. No matter how dark the cavern or how obscure the path he can find the right path.

Frequent commenter Freek M. tells a tragic tale. Poor mom! Was the felonious fairy missing her wings?

This goblin’s name is Gaggle. He came to the goblin city to find a job at the palace. He might look tuff with his eye patch but he is quite gentle. His interests are cooking, shoe making, gardening and panting. He used to work in the gardens of the Labyrinth with his mother. One day, when he was working in the Labyrinth’s garden accidentally stepped on a fairy’s lunch. She was not happy with this and so she stabbed him in the eye.

On his eye patch has a star on it because his mother use to call him her little star, the one person that could bring a little bit of light in her world.

When his mother died, he met Luffa. She helped him get over his lost and stayed with him for two years. Now Gaggle wishes to repay her by finding a job for them both at the palace. But with all the commotion at the palace, that is not very likely.

Adam paints an amusing portrait of a goblin artist of edible pictures – what a wonderful idea!

Name: Boldo

Occupation: A grumpy citizen of the Goblin city, and one for starting riots between the goblins.A great pilferer and salesman, dealing
with foolish customers, from the low of rank to the high officials, who unknowingly fall for his tricks, walking away with their pockets considerably lighter.He also has a softer side to him spending his spare time painting pictures that he only thinks are nice to look at, while others would rather eat them.

In his past, his mostly aggressive nature and keeness for combat, meant that he took part in many battles.A run in with a group of fireys that tried to dismember his body, resulted in him having one eye.

When Olivia studied our goblin subject, she saw a dirty soul. Not an evil one – just one covered in grime!

Name: Greedondo the Dumpster-digger

His whole life, Greedondo dreamed big. But he just didn’t have the luck. Black cats, broken mirrors… those would seem a blessing to poor Greedondo.

When he was only a child, he lost both of his parents to a game of cards. So, finding no reason to stay (and many a reason to leave… he had bet more things than he could provide), Greedondo decided to roam the world, looking for his place in life. He never found one. He tried being a fisherman, but his lures kept ending up down someone’s throat. He tried being a cook, but every time he turned his back, his food managed to flee the pot. He even attempted to be a criminal, but all being sneaky ever accomplished was broken vases and bruised egos.

When he finally got out of prison, he was left without so much as a piece of cloth to his name. So, Greedondo ended up on the streets, trying to stay far away from other goblins. And though he stays up-to-date in the best of goblin fashion found in the ditches, Greedondo has never been able to find something that made him truly happy.

Very intense entry, Jenny! For a goblin of scientist, your Mooney lives an awfully violent life. If a group of Fieries ever cost me an eye, I’m going to demand they give me one of theirs.

Name: Mooney Dribulus

Occupation: Astronomer

Brief Bio: As a young goblin, Mooney spent most of his time on the castle battlements with his father – a night watchman. Here he developed his love of the stars and pursued a career in astronomy. Luckily an opening at the castle for an Astronomer arose after the untimely and unprecedented demise of the previous astronomer who was hit by a falling star in the plains of a million craters.
Years later an unfortunate accident left Mooney with only one eye. One night whilst gazing through his telescope he was ploughed into by a group of raucous Fieries, knocking him with such force into his telescope that his eye burst! Luckily with one remaining eye he still manages to fulfill his job as astronomer, enjoying a tipple or two of gin to keep the chill off on those cold evenings!

I love the idea of a goblin clock-keeper, Cham. Great idea!

Twinkletuc Shank has been the clock mechanic under King Jareth’s rule, he makes sure that the clock at the throne room of HIs Majesty continues to ‘tic its toc’.. He has been waging wars with some of the Labyrinthian chickens whenever the little bundle of feathers would try to make their nests near the thirteen hours clock, because of that he is known as “Tuc the Eggs-ecutor”, ever since his right eye was pecked by a rouge fowl he has worn his star eyepatch with a flair. When there are no clocks to fix (or accidentally break which could mean a plunge in the Bog) Twinkletuc Shank can be found wandering the Labyrinth, trying to find a nice spot to dig into. He is also known as the great Goblin Digger extraordinaire because of his ardent passion for digging up dirt, grime and other stuffs. (as well as uprooting shrubs and trees). He likes the taste of goblin ale every after doing his ‘dirty’ job.

Our final entry for the day comes from Angela. It’s easy to picture this fellow tunneling for gems, based on your description. But when you say Lord of the Rings, are you sure you don’t mean the Nibelungenlied? Not that a true goblin could actually read either, but the epic poem sounds naughtier.

Name: Gimble Grimnesh, a jewel hermit

He travels through the dark tunnels and oubliettes of the Labyrinth. The years he’s spent in the dark have left him blind, but with his eye patch-style jeweler’s glass, he can see any gem he picks up, down to the tiniest flaw. Goblins from all over the Labyrinth often seek him out for his jeweler’s eye, but because he lives and travels underground, he is very hard to find. He doesn’t like big crowds or fairies, never gets involved in politics, and is a secret fan of Lord of the Rings. His best friends are the False Alarms and because of his excellent service in jewelry appraisal, he’s built up an enormous fortune for which he has no heir and which is buried somewhere only he knows. After Mizumi took over, he tunneled out of the Labyrinth and is currently staying in a secret hideaway in the dump.

Thanks again to everyone who entered. A final batch of entries goes up shortly.